Loneliness, Ego, Tears - Growing, Oneself

At the crux of any pain is 'loneliness'. I have experienced that pain more than once and have seen that reflect in a lot of other behavior patterns in others.  My mother in law for example has led a lonely life for almost 43 years since she lost her husband. Shes from that generation where the ladies led their whole life for their husbands, for their kids, for the  'home'. From her point of you , she has done her duty and now is looking forward to someone to do their duty.. who is this 'someone'. Is it the sons she has brought up?  Is it the siblings she held on all through her life or the extended family she always thought of and did things for, over and above her capacity.

Being devoid or should I say, not having found actually what she herself loves to do she is depending on others to shoulder her. To cover up she uses her ego to show that she is  perfectly alright. Lived her life on her own till today and today also she needs no one. When in reality she is very very lonely now, much more compared to what she was in her youth. In her youth days, she was busy fighting the everyday battles of life and never realised.

Today when everybody is leading their own life and having their own stance about things, she is left all alone and she feels no one is backing her up.  Her thoughts, views are not respected and the generation gap is also glaring at her face where she cannot relate to most of the young crowd- be it children or grand children.

I have sympathy for her, but when that is all she needs from others, it angers me. Self pity is just a deep well accordingly to me where other than darkness and oneself, you see nothing. So in most of her thoughts, decisions, she either sees herself or only how negatively others are treating her.
I am not looking at a fix to make things all right over night, but I feel pampering that ego of hers is not solving the problem.

She needs to be told to look at herself atleast now. Do things she likes to do and never had the time to. The things she likes needs to be more than- TV and gossip - the 2 easy modes of self entertainment. Probably I am too idealistic and my thoughts or ideas will not work on her, but it angers me to see someone who has much more than what others have and still not trying to be happy.

Well, I really dont know how I would be at her age.. but I think the quest to know oneself and the ability to let go of things I cannot change is the least I would like to inculcate as I grow old.

Feb 12th 2015


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