Double H ed life- The Heart and the Head!

One of the regrets I have today is , I am not able to express myself most of the time. This situation doesn't arise, when I am thinking from my head. When the topic in concern is that of 'logic', and  'knowledge', I never fall short of words. But when it is a question of the heart.. I really never know the answer.

After a lot of thought, of why this is the case, I have come to a very common conclusion. Like any art form, any science, or any sport; use and practice of the " body part" in question needs to be done. We as a society  are never taught to use the heart to make any decisions. You are always asked to use your head. Make the logical decision.. make the best of the given situation.. All evaluation systems are also based on this parameter only. But in the bargain, is the decision something that I LIKE?

Since this is taught to the kids right from the beginning of the education system, the foundation of the head becomes really strong. Even within the head, i would say what gets all the more attention is the left brain- the logical one! Well, after one generation of screwing up, they have tweeked the education system a little and today in my daughters school, I do see a lot of extra curricular activities included. But again this does not weigh much after high school. There is a distinct categorization made between subjects that would make your future and others that would be part of your hobbies!

Today I stand at the age of 36 not knowing what I actually love to do. I chose a career because I liked to see myself where I saw others were. I did something different from others and went and explored the world. There in the US I started questioning myself as to what is it that I really want. More than answers of what I would like to do, I just started increasing my list of things I dont like to do. On second thoughts, I felt, this was also a right way to start. Probably I will come down to something I love to do!

After 5 years of leaving behind my career, having a baby, starting my own company.. I am still pretty much confused. But I feel I am better off than a lot of people who are still in the mad rush of proving oneself against others and in the bargain totally losing oneself. Suddenly one day they will retire and not know where their life went by..

I am penning down things I like to do and doing all of them. I am pursuing dance, my childhood dream, started writing the blog more regularly, walk and play a sport, doing some volunteering work.... But again I havent got my bulls eye yet:) I hope to get it soon and devote the rest of my life to it. Until then, I have a miniature me in front of me, my 6 year old daughter.. Since the time she has started talking, she has been talking her heart out! And not only am I amazed, but also want to preserve this valuable asset in her.

If I can make sure she is able to evaluate in her head what her heart wants and speak it out and give form to her expressions, I would consider it a big achievement in my parenting skills!


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